Thursday, November 23, 2006
Bring Back The Draft
Congressman Charlie Rangel is dead serious about bringing back the draft.
Howling Latina shouts with joy, "Bring it on!" But as Firedoglake observes, this time everybody goes, not like the last time.
After all, this is the megawar to preserve America's freedom and our way of life against the stealthy archfiend who plots to destroy Western civilization. We must immediately act before it's too late and everything we hold dear to our hearts is destroyed.
Islamic extremists want to exterminate every Western icon and will not rest until we are no more. It is up to us to dedicate our national resources by way of the draft and stop the evildoers and immediately act.
Our children and our children's children face oblivion or worst, life under Osama bin Laden as the burka adorned seventh bride to a third-cousin or jihadist chauffeur. Our decision today will determine whether we fight them overseas or have to fight them in the backstreet alleys of Chicago, New York or Las Vegas.
Our national will must be unshakeable. No deferments like the bad ol' days when "the rich people figured out how make sure that only poor kids" had to go to war and fight. No more saving clauses--not even for the Bush twins or their coked-crazed cousin, Noelle. After all, nothing like a hearty calisthenic workout and two-mile run at 6:00 a.m. each morning to keep the gals sober and help them shed pesky leftover baby fat.
Indeed, that's what's wrong with this country, FDL sagely points out. "A shiftless generation of mouth-breathing, Cheeto-eating, Generation X-Boxers" is what we've got. But bring back the ol' draft and folks will be getting stronger, more disciplined and better all-around. Hell, "[g[etting shot and maimed builds character! That is, if it doesn't kill you, of course, but then you [would] get to bestow a Legacy of Glory on the loved ones you leave behind. AND WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT?!"
Who doesn't want to see our 50-50 nation reunite with the common purpose of defeating an enemy who lusts to ascend to world domination over the West? No more blue or red America; no more class warfare; just poor and rich young men and women getting shot in the ass, or the knee cap, or the heart.
You know all the claptrap we were hearing a couple years ago about the Greatest Generation? You know what made them great? The military. They had to fight real fascists and they came out of it better Americans, leading our nation on to an unprecedented age of peace and prosperity.
9/11 CHANGED EVERYTHING! This is the fundamental crisis of our times! It's the Clash of Civilizations! All [the] tough-talking GOP water-carriers [who] were so goddamn eager to get into this war...it's only fair that [they] all help bat clean-up. Don't worry, with so many eager new recruits, this should be a cake-walk. It's just a little Arab nation. And they'll be soooooooooo glad to see us, they'll Greet Us as Liberators! Can you smell the flowers and taste the candy, yet? It should all be over in five or six weeks, and then we'll send you to Afghanistan, where (according to Ann Coulter) things are going SWIMMINGLY!
Remember, Freedom Isn't Free. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good, like giving up our privacy to warrantless wire-taps, suspending Haebas Corpus, and kissing government accountability and transparency goodbye. Hey, listen, it's hard to bitch about the draft WHEN YOU'RE DEAD. The Islamonazis hate our freedom(!!) and they won't rest until we're all bowing to Mecca and praying five times a day. You said it yourselves. We MUST fight the Great War on Terror! And what better way to do it than all together?
Uncle Sam wants you, step right up!
You know, the one that requires us trash the Constitution:)