Howling Latina

Did Bush fall off the Wagon?

The National Enquirer, the same tabloid who broke the Gary Hart "Monkey Business" story nearly 20 years ago, claims Bush is back to drinking.

Lest anyone go bezerk and traipse off to examine every minutia under a microscope to learn if each individual atom in the story passes muster, same as right-wing bloggers and mainstream media did with the Bush AWOL story last summer, let us concede here and now that dialogue attributed to Bush may or may not be exactly as reported.

Indeed, the underlying details may be faulty; that is, whether the root cause(s) were Katrina, falling poll numbers, the Iraqi War, Roberts confirmation hearing, a fight with Rove, Cheney, wife, dog, a combination of one or more, whatever or whomever; in the aggregate, the scoops on the over-all poop are unimportant.

The overarching arc that Bush is off the wagon is what is most newsworthy, for this highlights to the world that our leader, the most powerful man on the globe, hangs by the thin threat of sobriety from a psychological, physiological and emotional meltdown.

Our president, an admitted alcoholic, has steadfastly refused help by way of 12-step program; he can do it alone, with the help of Jesus, of course.

Not to dismiss divine help in matters of recovery, Bush’s methodology could work only if he faithfully submits his addiction and will to a Higher Power on a daily basis with a humble heart.

Oh but how he must thirst! The lofty cup from which Bush drinks is not nearly tall enough for such a person who can't concede even the most minute mistake, weakness or flaw.

The addict’s mind is a lying one; it whispers invincibility; one little drink or one tiny snort won't hurt anything. But to bedevil temptation and stay sober, druggies and drunks are counseled to rebuke thoughts of old past jaunts.

So when Bush visited New Orleans and harkened back to the good 'ol days of drinking fun, it didn't take an army of hardened counselors to be very afraid for one's country. The signs of relapse were as bright as the night sky in Alaska during mid-summer when Bush said:

I believe the town where I used to come -- from Houston, Texas, to enjoy myself -- occasionally too much...

(LAUGHTER) (wink-WINK) (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, HAH)

Well dear president, past drunkalogues are no laughing matter. Just ask any family member of a substance abuser; the process of recovery is to ask for forgiveness and the will to change, not give glory to days of past chaos.

Now here are a few things to look for when trying to discriminate whether or not our leader has backslided.

1. Has Bush pushed aside former close aides? Are you listening Rumsfeld? Rove? Cheney? If you want to remain his pal, guess what? You might have to overlook his ever-rising number of "slips."

2. Spanking new friends with a taste for scotch. Like watchful parents of teens, Laura and the country must be on lookout for new “friends” from a different clan or cabal who like the night life. (Yes, that includes secret service agents and White House interns.)

3. Is Laura and family keeping Bush on a shorter leash? Do they now always travel with the president on each trip he takes?

4. Is Bush’s schedule erratic, subject to change at a moment’s notice? Or no longer posted? Are there unexplained lapses of time? Unexplained no-shows?

5. Is there even more isolation from the media, especially after the sun sets? Any slurring speech late at night or early mornings? Any reek of alcohol on his clothing or pores?

If the answer to any question is yes, then our president could become as irrational and wacky as Kim Jung II, the nut job from North Korea and decide to go mano-a-mano with the rest of the world, as he once tried to do with his father. Let's hope Poppy, "The Enforcer, "Laura-Steady-as-She-Goes," "Turdblossom, or "Big Time" can stop "Bushie, the Bike Guy," from wheeling and rolling us into the abyss.

Party-on w0rd, Chew thinking man!